It’s easiest to pick up if someone is really a friend or a frenemy by the vibes you get, since a frenemy’s danger comes as a disguised friend.
Spotting one is a little tricky, even to the most astute of us (i.e.: those who have fallen victim to a frenemy in the past).
There are so many, not-so-obvious ways of detecting whether someone is really a friend or foe. We’ve listed these below to help you to identify a potential frenemy.
Top 5 Ways to Recognize a Frenemy:
1. They covet what you have
This doesn’t mean that every person who compliments you is a frenemy. It’s wonderful to get sincere compliments from friends, but coveting is another matter. Coveting means wanting what you have. Instead of saying, “Wow, that’s a really nice dress, where did you get it?” they say, “I want that exact dress. It would look so good on me.”
2. They aren’t happy for you
No matter how hard you worked at something, how deserving you were for a promotion, etc., how long it’s been since your last hot date, when you get something that makes you happy, they resent you for it. They act like you don’t deserve any good things that come your way.
3. They don’t support your ambitions
These are the people that are the most threatened by other people’s success. When you want to step outside the box, and try something different, they are the ones who advise you to keep playing it safe and not go after what you really want. After all, if you can change the course of your life, take risks, and end up happier, then what does it mean for them? What are they so afraid of? Your success. If you succeed at something and they don’t, then you succeeding reminds them that they have failed, and that is too much for some people to take.
What some people don’t realize is that when you want something different, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you think you’re better than other people in your immediate circle, it just means that you want a life that suits you better. Who wouldn’t want that for their friends?
4. They leave you out of their social circle
If they’re not a real friend to you, then they certainly don’t think that you’re a real friend to them, so why would they include you in their social life? They may want to keep a friendship alive and well with you, so that they can keep tabs on you and keep you from soaring; however, they don’t want you doing the same to them and their family/friends. They keep you and their real friends separate. Large gatherings? Sure. You can easily blend into the crowd. Let you see their newborn baby? Only if there happens to be a party and it’s big enough to include you. Coffee for two? Sure. How else are they going to know what’s going on with you? Dinner with a few close girlfriends? Probably not, although sometimes, it’s a yes if it’s someone who’s surrounded by frienemies themselves.
5. They don’t tell you about important things
They are the ones who hide things, like opportunities, from you. These can include not telling their actress friends about an upcoming audition, or not setting you up on a date with a great guy.
They feel that telling you these things would have a positive impact on you, and after knowing that frienemies don’t want you to succeed, then this makes sense. It’s sabotage at its best (remember the movie, Mean Girls? There was tons of sabotage, and it was deliberate).
Read our earlier post on What’s Up With Frenemies for more.
Many wonderful, genuine relationships between women abound. We bet that not a single one of them is between a friend and a frenemy, but rather between two real friends.
Are there any additional ways that you have in helping identify a frenemy? Share them.